His number is in your phone. You have opened the message four times and closed it four times. Part of you wants to tell him because he is your pastor and this is the worst thing that has ever happened to you, and that is exactly what pastors are for. Part of you is doing … Read more
You have worked out what the letters mean. Now you are looking at a calendar, a bank balance, and a husband who has agreed to go to counseling but has not agreed to much else, and you need to decide who books an appointment first. This is the practical question underneath the alphabet. Not what … Read more
You did the responsible thing. You found a counselor, you got him to agree to go, you sat on a sofa in a quiet room with a box of tissues on the side table and you told a stranger the worst thing that has ever happened to you. And somehow you left feeling worse than … Read more
You have a list of names. Some came from a friend who has been through this, some from a search you made at two in the morning, some from a directory your church handed you. Every name has letters trailing behind it. CSAT. CPTT. CCPS. LMFT. LPC. APSATS-trained. Certified Partner Coach. You are trying to … Read more
You gathered the courage to seek help, only to leave your therapist’s office feeling worse than when you arrived. When your therapist doesn’t understand betrayal trauma, that’s often exactly what it feels like. Maybe they suggested you examine what you did to contribute. Maybe they pushed forgiveness before you had processed your pain. Maybe they … Read more
Marriage as covenant, rather than contract, changes everything about how betrayal lands and what restoration can mean. Scripture describes marriage in covenant language, and that language carries weight that our culture’s more transactional view of relationships doesn’t. Marriages sustained by covenant thinking survive through failure differently than marriages held together by contract thinking do. Understanding … Read more
Christian culture often teaches believers to move quickly to praise, skipping past the raw middle where most of real grief actually lives. The Psalms provide language for grief, rage, confusion, and despair that many believers have been taught to suppress. After betrayal, lament becomes a healing practice: honoring the depth of your wound while maintaining … Read more
Spiritual warfare is not a metaphor here — the battle for your marriage after betrayal has a dimension beyond the psychological and relational, and it calls for spiritual weapons alongside the practical ones. The battle for your marriage after betrayal is not merely psychological or relational. It has a spiritual dimension that calls for spiritual … Read more
The book of Hosea is the passage most often quoted to betrayed spouses in Christian settings, and the one most often misapplied. God commands the prophet Hosea to marry — and later to buy back — an unfaithful wife, and that command gets handed to betrayed partners as though it were addressed to them. Understanding … Read more
The church should be a source of healing after betrayal, and too often it becomes a source of additional wound. When the church gets it wrong, the injury compounds — a second wound layered over the first, delivered by the people who were supposed to help. Well-meaning but uninformed church leaders sometimes offer counsel that … Read more